Thursday, May 23, 2013

Into the Wild

Camping. Is there anything better? Aside from having a farm and living deep in nature- that's the ultimate dream. Until then we'll have to spend weekends camping. 

I loved that there was zero internet or cell phone reception. Not having my iPhone or J's computer to check every other minute enabled me and J to really reconnect and kind of fall in love all over again, while Minnow was safety tucked in at her Gramma's. We needed this. A night alone together in the woods did wonders for our marriage. It's so easy to let the the endless tasks and chores of parenthood scrape away at the romance of a marriage. I think it is very important to still make couple time, away from the beloved child. I believe it's good for the child to create a bond with someone other than their parents. I want her to grow up being independent and self reliant so when I'm not around she can function. Although it's nice to feel needed as a mother, I'm so proud of her easy going ways. I also love the relationship she has with her Gramma.  Some of my best childhood memories were at my grandparents house.

Some woman would scoff at me for leaving my child, like being a good mother means coddling your child and never letting them out of your sight. But I think it's important to have a life outside of motherhood. Just for my own sanity. I love my bebe endlessly, but that doesn't mean I don't have my own interest and hobbies. I am still my own person.

 My mother once gave me this advice "Put your marriage first, they're the one you're going to be with once your kids have grown and left the house. And having a good marriage can only benefit the child". I like to think I put my family first, husband AND child. But I can see what she's saying.

 Even though she was all we could talk about and I really couldn't wait to pick her up. It sure was nice to come home to her and see her get excited to be back with her Mum Mum and Dada.
 I came home feeling refreshed and excited about future camping. We plan to take our little pixie with us next time, we both know she will love it.

legs of love
car bed
meet oliver

photo bomber

Monday, May 20, 2013

Good night sweet heart..

To my sweet bebe Minnow,

As the sun sets later and later in the day, I find my self rocking you to sleep as the last, lazy rays of sunshine filter through your windows. I marvel at how much you've grown; gone are my tiny baby days with you. It is a pleasure to watch your journey through life's milestones. You have so many condensed milestones in these first few years, each more delightful than the last. I feel so blessed to be able to be there with you through them.

 You meet each new challenge with fierce determination and bravery. Although your adrenaline junkie ways makes my mother's heart clench with worry, I admire your lack of fear. You are teaching me to be more fearless. If ever you do fall, I will always be close behind ready to scoop you into my arms and let you know how precious you are.

My life's work will be making your life whimsical and inspiring your imagination.
We will explore the woods, oceans and mountains together. Running wild and howling at the moon. We will build mud castles while wearing fairy wings.
We will dance each chance we get. Your music knowledge will be immense.
We will  make friends with every animal we encounter- an ability you have already mastered.
I will try everyday to make you smile.
And most importantly, I promise to let you grow into whoever it is you are meant to be.
Without judgement; just love.

I look down at your sleeping face and trace the lines of your ears, as my mother once did to bebe me. All at once brought into a moment, so simple, yet so powerful it makes me catch my breath. You awaken such powerful emotions from within me. Now I place you down to sleep, in the tent in your room (you prefer the tent to the crib, I don't blame you. The tent is pretty bad-ass). I whisper that I love you and image what it will sound like when you can say "I love you too".

Good night my wild-haired pixie child,
I love you to the moon and back

Love Mum mum

Friday, May 17, 2013

Riders on the storm

Today is the kind of rainy day that humbles you back into your homes, makes you want to turn the heat back on just a little, and for me something drastic- putting socks on. I detest socks. They make me feel trapped. I'm a wild and free barefooted forest nymph type.

 This was the kind of day that made you feel justified cozying up under a blanket with a stack of books and a steaming mug of tea.

I am working today caring for bebes from my home. Some may find  rainy days a challenge when it comes to entertaining littles. But I see it as chance to dive deep into my imagination and look through the eyes of a child, finding magic in the ordinary.
Since it's May long weekend, and camping is just on the horizon, I decided to play pretend camping. I set up Minnow's play tent in her room, filling it with pillows, sheepskins and blankets, making it comfy and inviting. I set it up under the window so when we looked through the transparent tent ceiling we could watch the rain. Opening the window a crack, and turning the sound machine to "forest noises" we all huddled under a soft blanket and read books.
Minnow loves books. This makes me immensely happy.

At lunch time I put on my rainy day playlist. Made steamed broccoli, peanut butter and banana sandwiches, sprinkled with hemp hearts and chia seeds. I placed my daughter and my good friend's son into their high chairs, sat between them and we all gazed out the big kitchen window watching the rain and listening to The Doors.

Since having Minnow I've started to see food in a new light. I wanted only the cleanest, organic plant based diet to feed my child. Which in turn made me start eating more consciously. I really get excited now looking for new recipes or new health food products. I can't even begin to tell you how much coconut oil has changed my life! I have never felt better, more nourished, or energetic. It makes my heart swell with pride when I see Minnow chomping down on a big head of broccoli- her favourite food. If she only learns one thing from me, I hope it's how to have a healthy and thoughtful relationship with food. I want her to see calories as energy not as the enemy, and not feel the need to go on diet, because food she will eat will nourish her not destroy her.
 I want her to be conscious of where her food comes from. I want to teach her how to grow her own food. 
I think she is well on the way to becoming a contributing, accountable citizen of this earth.

She carefully inspects everything she eats before she eats it.

 Now the babies are sleeping softly in the tent, I feel relaxed and content. Rain has the most rejuvenating effect on me. I am a creature of water. I feel reinvigorated and restored as the raindrops feed my soul as much as they feed my garden.

I look forward to my yoga practice tonight at Moksha. There's nothing like the sound of rain to go with my asanas.


Thursday, May 16, 2013


It's funny how fast a day can turn from frustrating to funny. From grumpy to grateful....
This morning I woke up to the sound of ocean waves aka the sound machine we leave on for our little light sleeper. A light headache stung behind my eyes and I cursed that single glass of wine from the night before. I felt beside me for Minnow and noticed she was sleeping upside down with her feet near my face. I smiled and pulled her close. Noticing J's absence from our bed I remembered our fight from the night before. Minnow also noticed and asked "Dada?" we found him cuddled under her small knit blanket on the couch. We piled on him and covered him with kisses. I jumped in the shower and within 5 minutes we were out of hot water. I got out feeling unsettled that I didn't get the proper long soak that my headache required. Water always seems to make me feel better (I am a mermaid after all). I then noticed the pile of dishes, and the clogged kitchen and bathroom sinks. Greeeeat. Sigh...
I started to get dressed and found that Minnow had pulled out all the clothes out of my drawers- her favourite past time, and the huge mound of clean laundry I've been avoiding. I started to get Minnow dressed and found only one of her moccasin booties, my favourite shoes of hers.
Feeling defeated and tired I started to complain to J, blaming him for everything that was going wrong. He left for work silently without a goodbye and I immediately felt regretful. I seem to be hardest on the ones I love most and I despise myself for that.
I turned to my baby, my perfect mischievous pixie child. She had put on her gelly sandals over her tights and was clip clopping across the hardwood floors giggling at the sound the made. She looked up at my and smiled with her eyes. I scooped her into my arms and breathed in her smell. We looked out the window at the rainy street and I decided
 "today is going to be a good day, even if all signs point to suck"
I realized all the things I have to be thankful for. Our home, our health, our baby, our love.
 My little family never ceases to inspire me. I decided, not for the first time, I need to make the extra effort to not wallow in the shitty, everyday happenings of life. Because they are going to be there regardless. I want my daughter to look up to me and see a smile not a frown. I wouldn't want her to inherit my anxieties and temper. She makes me urn to be a better person. Such a small person has the biggest impact on me.
Now I'm going to breath deeply, be thankful, and handle each of my chores and tasks today one at a time. And bask in the joy of all the little children I will be caring for today. They are all such special little beings who, if you let them, have the capicity to teach you how to be present and enjoy the simple things in life. the certainly have a divine light that shines in them, and I reconize and bow to it.